i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
She tied me up with her honor cords...
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Randomize
