Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Randomize
