Swine flu. Run for my life!
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
