just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
Randomize
