You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Randomize
