you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
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