So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Randomize
