Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
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