Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
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