My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
Randomize
