Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
