Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
Randomize
