So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
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