When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Randomize
