her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
We smell like vodka and hangover
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