the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
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