the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
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