how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
