cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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