so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
