in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
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Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
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PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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