This dress was meant to end up on your floor
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Randomize
