Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
This gyro tastes like lonliness
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
Randomize
