I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
