She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Randomize
