She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
