just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
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