I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
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