remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
Randomize
