wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
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