Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
im drinking this country out of the recession.
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
Randomize
