Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
