yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
