Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
