she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
