Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
Randomize
