I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
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