Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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