I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
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