I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
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