i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
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