is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
Randomize
