Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
I wish there were birth control emojis
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Randomize
