I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
