just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
