i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
Randomize
