im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
