I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
