some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
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