I'm going to rape someone's good day.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
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