Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
