Got a toothbrush?
Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
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