I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
