Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(515): View more from Iowa

So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.

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(516): View more from New York

See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil

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(916): View more from California

I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule

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(805): View more from California

i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something

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(865): View more from Tennessee

He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her

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(814): View more from Pennsylvania

There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.

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(702): View more from Nevada

Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.

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(315): View more from New York

Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.

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(513): View more from Ohio

We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on

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