Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
