Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Randomize
