thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
dude. I can hear the air.
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