I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
Randomize
