he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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