I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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